SeaWatch: What's Eaten Ya, Pal?

    All right, for those of you who don't know, I'm terrified of sharks. I mean, we're talking Sam-Winchester-and-clowns level of fear here, so this morning when I was listening to the Bizarre File on the Preston and Steven Show this morning on 93.3 WMMR and the lead story began with the words "a nine-foot great white" (followed by the word "shark," so I was relatively certain it wasn't some strange story about the band) a part of me Darth Vader-screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"  and wanted me to lunge for the radio and flip the station before my entirely overactive imagination conjured up some Jaws-esque horror show and made me run to my stuffed panda for comfort (as a side note, everybody with a massive fear of something should have a relatively large stuffed panda to cuddle with in times of crisis. I've found it helps a great deal. Unless, I suppose, you're afraid of pandas, in which case, like the story of the Ugly Barnacle, "That didn't help at all."). However, I couldn't help but be a little curious (the horror writer in me, I guess), and the radio stayed on. I found myself intrigued by the story told by an upcoming Smithsonian Channel documentary, Hunt For the Super Predator, which airs Wednesday, June 25th, at 8:00 PM (ET/PT).
    Apparently, eleven years ago, a nine-foot female great white shark was tagged as "part of Australia's first-ever large-scale tagging and tracking program for great whites," and "cinematographer Dave Riggs and a film crew found a perfect specimen," (Yahoo) a nine-foot female that was named Shark Alpha and tagged so the researchers could track her movements.Four months later, the tag washed up on the beach.
    (As a side note, I'm just gonna go off on a bit of a limb here and say I don't think Dave Riggs is related to the Lethal Weapon character with the same last name. If it was Martin Riggs going after this Super Predator, I feel safe in saying it would be an entirely different kind of film.)
    According to the data on the tag, "Alpha had plunged straight down the side of the continental shelf, more than 1,500 feet deep." (Yahoo) You'd assume (or maybe you wouldn't, I don't know--those who would assume, would assume) that the deeper the water, the colder it would get, and for once assuming wouldn't make an...well, you know. The tag, however, had heated up, going from 46 to 78 degrees Fahrenheit, which researchers say means that it was most likely inside the belly of another creature. Something fought, beat, and ate a nine-foot great white shark. So what ate Alpha? (Dude, if nobody makes a T-shirt outta that, I'm going to be severely disappointed in the internet.) Speculation, of course, has run rampant ever since this story's come around, with possible culprits including

• a kraken
• a larger shark
• Godzilla
• giant squid
• an orca
• that giant monster fish thing from The Phantom Menace (all right, that was my contribution)

    Of course, scientists have again taken the fun out of speculating, putting forth the probable view that Alpha was attacked and eaten, either for territorial reasons or because the other guy was really, really hungry and there wasn't a McDonald's for another ten miles and he just didn't feel like swimming that far anyway, by another shark. Yes, that's right, folks, "a colossal cannibal great white shark," the stuff of my nightmares--and, I'm assuming, more than a few of yours. This CCGWS has been "estimated at 16 feet long and over 2 tons," (People) so it is, in fact, larger than former Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid, if only just barely. 
    According to Riggs, the change in temperature that was recorded by the tag was "pretty high, but not large enough to be a mammal;" however, "it's something seriously huge to sustain that temperature--the larger the animal, the more capable it is of an elevated temperature." (Christian)
    "Seriously huge." Words that I never ever want to associate with sharks, along with "colossal," "great white," and "right behind you." I know this post is perhaps a bit more mundane than most of my other ones, considering that so far Godzilla/et al has not been ruled as a viable possibility, but it still has to do with fear, I suppose, and that tends to be at the core of most of what I do here. No, perhaps the CCGWS won't come knocking at your window in the middle of the night or try to steal your immortal soul from the other side of the mirror, but the next time you step into a body of water larger than a puddle, how many of you are going to stare just a little bit longer out over the ocean, waiting to see a giant fin rear up out of the water, those giant teeth still clotted with the remains of its last nine-foot meal, those dead eyes rolling back in its head--
    Two thousand feet down, you say? Yeah. I know. Like I said, overactive imagination. 
    But to be safe, I still say we're gonna need a bigger boat.  

I'm not even going to try to put a picture here. The anxiety caused by the pictures I saw reading my research articles is traumatizing itself without adding one more for posterity. Use your imaginations. Try not to wet yourselves. Though if you do, I can't say I'd judge you. Like I said. Terrified.
 

One, Two, Happy Birthday to You...

    Hey, guys, just a quick check-in--no legends or lore to impart to you today, just a birthday message for a pretty cool birthday boy: the awesome, iconic actor Robert Englund. You probably know him as Freddy frakkin' Krueger, but you also might recognize him from roles in movies, video games, and TV shows such as The Mangler (based on the Stephen King Night Shift story of the same name), Wishmaster, Urban Legend, Idle Hands (no crap--the guy was the voice of The Hand), Zombie Strippers, the 2010 Supernatural episode "Appointment in Samarra," Inkubus, Call of Duty: Black Ops (yeah, you can play as Robert flippin' Englund; almost makes me want to take it up), the "Camping Can Be Cool" episode of Regular Show (as the Stag-Man, who was pretty damn freaky), Strippers vs Werewolves, many more movies and TV shows full of horror and gore, and I'm pretty sure somewhere in there a few things not as full of horror and gore. But anyway, happy birthday, dude! 

 

Those claws should help him cut his cake, anyway...

Jeepers, Creepers, How'd You Lose Your Peepers?

    I'm sure everybody out there reading this has, at some point in their lives, either heard of or carried out the ritual meant to summon Bloody Mary herself from the depths of a mirror (and if it's the latter, I apologize in advance, because I am going to be tearing the absolute crap out of you for the rest of this post). What I'm wondering is how many of you actually stopped, considered what you were doing, and asked yourselves, "Self, why would anybody want to actually do this stupid thing?" Because lately I've really been wondering this, and I can't seem to find a good explanation anywhere. I mean, when I brought it up at dinner recently (yes, this stuff really is the topics I bring up at the dinner table--what do you talk about? The weather? The economy? The giant hive of killer bees you've noticed in the backyard? You poor unfortunate souls.), my mother suggested that people do it just to see if it'll work, but that didn't sit right with me. I mean, why would people want to see if chanting a witch's name in the mirror three times will really make her jump out and tear your eyes from your screaming face? I mean, I feel pretty good not knowing that, and I don't feel like risking my eyeballs (or anybody else's--most anybody, anyway) to find out. 
    All right, between now and the time I started writing this post, during the gigantic break I took (all right, so it was like a week--I GOT DISTRACTED BY THINGS), I happened to watch the season one episode of Supernatural that dealt with this very same legend, and in the opening scene I found the one other person besides myself who I have ever openly heard question why somebody would want to carry this ritual out. The scene featured three young girls at a slumber party (duh) who were playing Truth or Dare, and the Bloody Mary ritual was the dare. One of the girls had never heard of the legend before, and after a brief debate about whether she was a witch or some woman who died in a car crash, one girl explained that if you repeat "Bloody Mary" while standing in front of a mirror, her ghost will show up and scratch your eyes out. The third girl then asked, "Then why would anybody want to do that?" Congratulations, little girl--you're smarter than half the adults on that show. 
    And I believe I might have found somebody else who shares my curiosity on this topic: In his Encyclopedia of Urban Legends Jan Harold Brunvand writes: "In many places it is said that "Mary" will spring out of the mirror and scratch the face of the one calling on her, but why anyone would invite this attack is not explained." Thank you, Mr. Brunvand. Thank you. 
    Now, this post isn't meant to either verify or disprove the Bloody Mary legend itself; maybe at some other time I'll tackle that, but for right now I'm just questioning the reasoning behind it. In case there are some out there, though, who are like the smart girl on Supernatural and haven't heard of it or for those who want a refresher, the basic ritual usually always remains the same, so here's a very basic refresher: You walk into a dark room (usually a bathroom; lit candles are optional), stand in front of the mirror, and recite a certain name or phrase a certain number of times. The name and what you're supposed to say varies greatly, and what follows is a list of some of the names I've picked up from various sources throughout my research ever since I first heard the legend:

• Bloody Mary
• Mary Worth
• Mary Worthington
• Kathy
• Sally
• Black Aggie
• Hell Mary
• Mary Lou/Jane
• Mary Johnson
• "In Brazil, the bathroom spirit is known as a 'loira de banheiro,' or 'the blonde in the toilet,' and is called out by flushing the toilet." (Bielski)

    Sometimes you add "I believe" to what you say, as in "I believe in Mary Worth," or "Come out, Mary (Kathy/Sally/etc.)." Sometimes, as in the ritual from Brazil, the person carrying out the ritual is supposed to run water or flush the toilet as well, but many of the legends go the simple route and just ask the person to say her name while looking in a mirror. After she's called, Mary/Kathy/Sally supposedly shows up and mutilates the person who called her in some way, most commonly by tearing their eyes from their face but also possibly by scratching their face, ripping their arms off, or even pulling them back through the mirror with her, a la Freddy Krueger jumping through the mirror in the end of the Nightmare on Elm Street remake to murder Connie Britton. This all sounds wonderful, no? With an alleged end result like this, why wouldn't somebody want to carry this ritual out?
    Oh, right, the mutilation thing. That should deter most people.
    And yet, it doesn't. Why not? Of course, across the country so many people do this "just for fun," and as far as I can see there haven't been confirmed reports that it actually works; I firmly believe that it's an urban legend that started somewhere and spread. After all, if it was real, how, exactly, would it work? Would Mary show up every time somebody tried to invoke her, whether they had her exact name or not? If you meant to call "Mary Worthington" and you said "Mary Worth," would she jump out anyway? And what about Kathy, Sally, Maryann, and Ginger? You can't mean to tell me that they're all trapped in mirrors waiting to hear a teenage girl in a college dorm bathroom call their name. Just imagine that conversation:
    Girl: "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary."
    Black Aggie: "Crap, it's for Mary again. Somebody go get her."
    Kathy: "She just left; some slumber party in Illinois, I think."
    La loira de banheiro: "If only she had flushed the toilet..."
    Somehow, I don't think that's quite how it goes. Although that would be pretty freaking amusing, I'll admit.
    But I've gotten a bit off track. As I said before, this post isn't designed to prove or disprove the legend itself; it's to wonder why anybody would try. As I pointed out at the dinner conversation I mentioned above, it would be one thing if by summoning Mary you could send her after somebody else and make her tear out their eyeballs, like some spiritual attack dog, or work a ritual to that effect, but no, it's your own face/eyes/limbs/reality you're risking by calling on the dead witch (or whatever). To me, this seems a bit like crossing against a red light just because you want to see if somebody will actually hit you (although I've heard that in some rural small towns, that qualifies as a "fun Friday night" when partnered with some cow tipping). Occasionally a legend will mention that whoever calls Mary up, if they don't look directly at her, will be able to have her reveal to them something about their future--but again, she may also possibly kill them. I suppose that's kind of revealing their future, isn't it? 

    This is just my opinion on this; I'm always willing to change it if compelling evidence arises, so if you've actually managed to summon Mary (and weren't sucked into the mirror with her), shoot an email my way--or, um, get somebody to dictate it for you, because if you've managed it, there's a pretty good chance you've lost your eyes and/or arms. Tell me what happened, when, where--and, most importantly, whether it was freaking worth it.

Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

    

   

The Witch is Back!

    If anybody missed me, that is.
    Anyway, if you're reading this, I suspect you've noticed the change I've made to the name of this blog, but don't worry--it's probably the only major change I'll be making to this wonderful pot of insanity. I was thinking about it recently--why call it simply SkyWatch when I'm on so many other Watches as well? And since most of them center around things that go bump in the night (or during the day, or in the attic, or the basement, or the backseat of your car as you're driving down a long and deserted highway through the middle of nowhere at midnight while listening to a news report about a dangerous, axe-wielding, escaped convict who happened to bust out right in the area where you are now), why not go with that? I can't say I won't have another change of heart somewhere down the line and change the name on you again, but that'll pretty much be the only change you'll have to worry about from here on out, because I'll never stop Watching, and I'll never stop blogging for long about the weird, the bizarre, the unsettling, the out-there--occasionally, the stupid and ridiculous; you know it has to happen--and, of course, the things that go bump, bump, bump in the night.
    Happy reading and happy hunting!!!
                                             From,
                                                    your Star Baby